


Seven Years of Missing 525,600 Moments So Dear

by OneAgentofChaos (BeringsBulldog)



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: Alt. Points of View, Breaking Up & Making Up, Cussing and cursing, Drinking, F/F, Gay Bar, Lawyer!Alyssa, Makeup Sex, Punk!Emma, Queer punk band, San Francisco, Song: Seasons of Love (Rent), smoking implied
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:54:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28679973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeringsBulldog/pseuds/OneAgentofChaos
Summary: How do you measure a year? It's been seven years and Alyssa realizes she's wasted all of those sunsets, daylights, cups of coffee, laughter and strife....all of this precious moments in time with the one who makes them all worthwhile.So, Alyssa makes a trip to San Francisco to find out if there's a chance Emma may feel the same. But, Alyssa finds herself unprepared for what she finds, and Emma finds herself blindsided. Can they remember the love and get past the pain?
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	1. How Do You Measure A Life Of A Woman

**Author's Note:**

> So, this got kind of out of control. It was only supposed to be a one shot where they had broken up, saw each other, had sex, and then decided to give things another chance. This is like that, except a much more long-winded version. lol
> 
> I just sort of like the song, "Seasons of Love" from Rent fit in a general way for the fic. I don't think of it as a songfic though.
> 
> I always thought Greenelan were meant for each other but honestly, I do believe it would be healthier for them to break up for awhile, be with others (and discover other girls don't measure up obviously), and then get back together forever.
> 
> There is a lot of angst on both sides. I feel like (especially after what happened in Canon) that Emma would never initiate a break-up. She may even be oblivious to an extent. Once they go to school, away from Alyssa's mother and Edgewater, Alyssa would probably want to spread her wings and try lots of new things so I thought she might get restless and initiate a break-up.
> 
> This fic is also an excuse to have Emma be in a queer punk band in San Francisco (I live here). This club is based on a combination of two clubs I used to go to pre-Covid. 
> 
> It also gives me an excuse to have Emma be in a leather jacket with her hair dyed with purple streaks (like the Atlanta version). 
> 
> For the record, the gay boys I created in here are quite like some of my friends. Some of them have a heart of gold but can be a bit snarky. Also, I know SF is different from other parts of the country. Here we have reclaimed "queer". So, if that bothers you, well, I guess don't read? I even toned down some stuff in this story since I wasn't sure how well it would be received.
> 
> Even if Alyssa went to school in NYC, the clubs that I wrote about, she probably would stick out so I made a bit of a joke out of it.
> 
> The band's name is "Queer Cheerios" just because I thought it was funny and I wanted the band to do something stupid like throw those little boxes of cereal out at the audience. Please don't sue me General Mills. I am just a poor lesbian.
> 
> One more thing. This is all based off of the broadway version and the broadway cast.

“Oh, what the hell am I doing here?”

“I don’t care why you’re here. I DO care about seeing your ID.”

Alyssa shook her head to clear it. She fumbled with her wallet before digging out her New York driver’s license and handed it over to the guy manning the club door. 

Alyssa swallowed nervously while he inspected it with his flashlight. “Sorry. This is just not...I mean, I was never much into the club scene anyways...and my ex is here...she’s-“

“Here.” He shoved the card back to her and gestured towards the window off to the side. “You can go pay your cover.”

“Oh, uh, thanks.” 

Alyssa stuffed her wallet into her jacket. Gathering herself, she stepped over, head held high.

The woman in the ticket booth had bright pink hair, bright pink lipstick, and several piercings. From what Alyssa could tell, she was wearing a revealing black outfit. It was definitely something Alyssa had never even considered wearing (even if there were vague thoughts of it in the past). 

“$10.” 

Alyssa shoved the twenty at her and upon receiving her change, she started to walk in through the thick curtains.

“Hey! Come back!” 

Alyssa turned around to see the girl waving her over. “You need to get stamped!”

Alyssa did as she was told and blushed at forgetting the routines of clubs. 

Before she left, the woman looked her up and down and smirked. “Are you sure you’re in the right place?”

Alyssa’s coat may have shown her to be be more conservative but she was still gay and this was a queer club. She had a right to be here after all.

“Yes,” she answered, annoyed. 

The girl snickered like she knew how out of depth and awkward Alyssa was feeling . Alyssa glared until the girl finally shrugged, turned to face the next person waiting to pay their cover charge.

Alyssa decided to ignore the girl, took a deep breath, and headed inside. 

————

Once Alyssa had weaved through the thick black curtains, the pounding of the beat hit her full force with the lights dimmed. 

Some people milled about, drinking and laughing, with a few scattered about dancing alone, simply not caring what others thought, Alyssa guessed, and just in their own world. How Alyssa wished she was brave enough to be like them.

As she made her way to the long bar leading to what Alyssa assumed to be the room where Emma’s band would be performing, she noticed up above a small area where the DJ was spinning. The music was unrecognizable to her. 

Alyssa swallowed as once again, she felt like a fish out of water. It’s not like she hadn’t gone to clubs in New York. Well, okay, not many actual “clubs”. If she went out at all, it was more like a casual night at a bar. She really had wanted to go out more but her mother’s voice in her head, screaming about studying in college to be the best and get the best grades kept her preoccupied. 

Sure, Alyssa and Emma had gone to Pride. The people were so free at Pride. It made her heart ache because she still couldn’t relax enough to experience more queer culture and just generally let loose as a typical college student would.

She and Emma had gone right from high school to living in an apartment. Originally, her mom protested but after Alyssa earned all ‘A’s’ from her heavy course load, her mother lessened her protests.

And now, Alyssa was a lawyer. A good one. She had been hired right out of law school and worked for a large law firm whose clients were financial firms.

Her mother was proud, but Alyssa herself was unhappy. 

Well, more unfulfilled, she supposed.

Alyssa loved the law, but helping to defend corporate America was not her idealistic dream when she entered law school. She wanted to help those less fortunate; perhaps working to defend those in the LGBTQ+ community or the poor and anyone discriminated against. But the feeling of being unsatisfied didn’t just stem from her career choices and she knew it.

What was doing something you loved without someone you love to share it with? 

Alyssa sighed, trying to brush any heavy thoughts aside as she checked her coat in. Maybe her style of blouse and skirt wasn’t the fashion of what people wore here but she was pleased to get appreciative looks from a few women. The other benefit was besides this skirt being cute and rather short, it had pockets so she didn’t have deal with a purse. 

After nervously smoothing out the non-exist wrinkles from her outfit, she headed to the bar. Alyssa really wasn’t much of a drinker, sticking to a glass of wine if she drank at all. Looking around, this place didn’t seem like a glass of wine place.

She’d heard in passing about a drink called Long Island Iced Tea. Alyssa didn’t know much about it but she did enjoy iced tea and a little alcohol in it would probably taste okay. She decided to give it a try. The bartender went off to make her drink when Alyssa heard a voice to her right.

“Have you ever had a Long Island Iced Tea before?”

She glanced to her side, and a man looked at her with her with a raised eyebrow, causing Alyssa to bristle. “No, but I thought I would try something different.”

“Honey, you’ll be drunk before you know it.” He eyed her up and down. “Have you even been to a club before? Or to a bar at all?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?!” She glared at the man. “Look, I’m QUEER and just because I didn’t go to clubs in college, I went to Pride and enjoyed plenty of alcohol with my ex-girlfriend!”

The man rolled his eyes. “So, where did you go to Pride? I’m guessing you went to college in one of those little midwestern places that no one goes to anyways; the ones that have tiny Pride Parades.” 

Alyssa heaved a sigh. “For your information, I went to college at NYU, and my girlfriend and I went to Pride in New York City. But, I do come from a shit hole small town in the Midwest and had to be very closeted in high school.”

Alyssa saw his face immediately switch to compassion. “Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry.” He paused. “And I’m sorry for being an asshole about it.” Then he grimaced. “It really sucks, doesn’t it?” 

She could tell he had had the same experience. “Yeah. It does.” 

The Long Island Iced Tea was set in front of her. Alyssa paid for it, not happy with the high price. _This better be worth it,_ she thought.

As Alyssa took a sip, her eyes shot open.

“Fuck! How much alcohol did he put in this?!’

The man chuckled. “Look, just take small sips, and make it last throughout the night. If you can’t drink it all, it’s not a sin. And make sure to get a bottled water by the end of the night.” He stared at her for a moment. “Are you here with anyone, or meeting someone? Or just out and about, trying to find a hot queer girl?”

Alyssa’s face grew hot, feeling embarrassed. “I am here to see the Queer Cheerios….and…”

He gave a calculating look when Alyssa faltered. Then his face lit up and he exclaimed, “Oh! I get it! You had some torrid lesbian love affair with someone in the band, am I right?”

Alyssa huffed, “It was not a ‘torrid lesbian love affair’ as you put it. But, yes, you caught me; one of the girls in the band is my ex and I wanted…to see her,” Alyssa ended sheepishly, taking a sip of her drink, wincing at the amount of alcohol.

He nodded, adding sagely, “So you're stalking her.”

It was not really a question, and as such, caused Alyssa to choke on her drink. “No! No! It’s been…well, a really long time and I just…I don’t know.” She waved her hand around helplessly. “It’s just…no other girl has measured up to her and I just need to see if she still feels anything…for me.”

Alyssa ducked her head, feeling stupid again. “Hey, hey.” Alyssa rose her head and saw compassion. “It’s okay. I get it. There are so many cute boys here in the city, and I have been with a few, trust me. But, I found my One. After a whirlwind romance, he proposed, and we’ve been married for two years now.” He wiggled his ring finger. “No boy has ever come close to him.” He smiled wistfully. “Just follow your heart.” Suddenly, he got an eager look on his face again. “Let me guess who it is….I would say Emma. Right?”

Alyssa’s eyebrows shot up. “Um, yeah. How did you know?”

“Well, there are only two girls in that band, and Emma has a bit of the reputation among the ladies.” He winked.

“What?” Alyssa squeaked. She never would have guessed Emma to have a “reputation with other women”. When they were together, Emma could be shy at times and a bit insecure, despite Alyssa’s many assurances how hot she thought Emma was. It sounds like it finally sunk in however. It only took Alyssa leaving to do it…

“Hey, baby.” Another man came behind the man Alyssa was talking to and gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

“Hi sweetie!” The man cooed back. Alyssa felt a small twinge of jealousy of how obvious it was they were in love.

“Who is this?”

The first man’s lips pursed as he regarded Alyssa “This is-“

The man paused and Alyssa realized, despite her revealing more than one generally does to a complete stranger, they didn’t even know each other’s name.

“Alyssa.” She gave a dorky wave. 

“Alyssa,” the first man parroted, “I’m sorry I never introduced myself. My name is Daniel, and if you couldn’t tell, this is my husband Luis.”

Alyssa smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, Daniel.” She shook his hand before turning to Luis, saying, “And you too, Luis.”

Once the greetings were over with, Daniel asked, worriedly, “Will you be okay?” 

Alyssa appreciated the concern. While she really didn’t KNOW if she would be okay, she still felt the need to do this on her own. 

Just as she opened her mouth to say this, Daniel looked at his husband, commenting, “She’s here on a lesbian mission.” 

Alyssa snorted. 

Luis smirked at Alyssa. “Okay, are you here to get laid, because, I happen to know some cute little lesbians we can set you up with.”

“No, she’s here to get her ex back!” Daniel shouted gleefully. 

“Oh, so she’s stalking her.” Luis stated matter of factly.

God, what is it with people thinking she is stalking Emma?!

“I am not stalking her!” Alyssa exclaimed.

“No, no, honey. We already covered that,” Daniel intervened, correcting his husband. “It’s a really romantic story. They broke up-“

“Seven years ago.” Alyssa supplied when he looked at her.

“Seven years ago,” Daniel repeated. “Every girl she has dated since has not matched up to her True Love. So, she has come to our fair gay city to sweep her true love off her feet once more so they can have a big lesbian wedding!”

Alyssa wasn’t so sure an actual wedding was her endgame here. Maybe deep down that was really her ultimate goal, but she just didn’t want to admit it.

Instead, the heat rose to her cheeks, and she mumbled something to the effect of “I really wouldn’t go that far-“ and took a rather big sip of her drink, immediately regretting it.

Luis’s eyes seemed to light up. “Do we know this girl she’s looking for? We totally need to help!”

Alyssa started to shake her head no, but Daniel exclaimed. “It’s Emma!”

Luis pursed his lips. “Honey, I hate to tell you this, but Emma has girl groupies you will need to fight off.”

Alyssa frowned. She almost wondered if they were exaggerating. Alyssa hoped so, because her confidence was sliding as every moment passed and it wasn’t high to begin with.

They must have seen the look on her face because Daniel touched her elbow to get her attention. 

“Don’t worry, Alyssa. I know she doesn’t have a girlfriend, or an s.o. for that matter. I don’t really know her well, BUT since I met her two years ago, and from what I know from her cousin Greg, there has been no u-haul in that girl’s sight.”

Alyssa just stared at Daniel, understanding the reference but just because Emma had had no steady girlfriend during the past two years probably didn’t mean more than she just wasn’t interested in settling down. Which, may even be worse in Alyssa’s mind: why would Emma even think of pursuing anything with her when she obviously has all of these girls after her?

Her thoughts must have been written all over her face because Daniel’s face softened.

“Okay, so, I DO know girls chase her; she is in a band after all. AND, I do know she has some fun with some of these girls, but…well, I admit I exaggerated slightly about her reputation.”

He looked sheepish, but she wondered if he was backtracking just to make her feel better. Alyssa bit her lip, and Daniel added one more thing that gave her hope. “It’s my feeling Emma misses you as well. I mean, the last time I REALLY talked to her was at the LGBTQ center about two months ago. She had this sadness, even though she was with some girl.” Daniel reached out and squeezed Alyssa’s arm briefly. “Like the girl didn’t measure up.” 

Daniel took Alyssa’s hand. “Now, come sit with us. You still have 45 minutes before the band even sets up. I want to hear all about your torrid lesbian love affair with Emma.”

Alyssa sighed. Well, she reasoned, she WAS early, and she had to admit, it might be good to hang out with someone. Just being among fellow queers who were sympathetic, even though they insisted on calling her and Emma’s relationship a “torrid lesbian love affair”.

She sighed. “Okay, lead the way, guys.” 

—————

The boys had been very sweet as for 43 minutes, Alyssa proceeded to relay the entire backstory of her and Emma’s relationship

Once they had found out they were THAT couple who hosted an inclusive Prom and Emma was the one who did the Unruly Heart video, they nearly bounced out of their seats, relaying how inspirational she and Emma had been, which caused Alyssa to blush and feel warm inside.

“She does seem different now, though. I think she’s just really growing into her own.” Daniel had mused off-handedly, causing Alyssa to wonder HOW different. Once again, Alyssa’s insecurities took hold as she wondered whether a “new Emma” would want anything to do with an old girlfriend who dumped her.

Just as her confidence level began to rapidly plummet, they both declares her outfit and herself in general to be looking fabulous. 

“It’s not too…conservative?” She had asked, looking around, feeling inadequate still among other club goers. 

“No, no,” they had assured. “Your outfit is classic and your makeup is very well done. Not too much and not too little.”

As Alyssa may have been checking her phone every two minutes, (no one could really prove that…), she knew it was nearly time to leave. Suddenly she jumped up, swaying slightly. “It’s time! I have to go!” 

Daniel looked pointedly at her empty glass and raised an eyebrow. “I can see you ignored my advice. I’m going to go buy you a bottle of water before you leave.”

Once Daniel left for the bar, Luis asked, “Are you sure you’ll be fine, Alyssa, to go by yourself? We can hang out with you while you watch the band and then skedaddle once they finish and you meet your amor verdadero once more.”

Alyssa smiled. “‘M fine.” She slurred, and Luis gave her a skeptical look. “Really!” She spoke stronger and she hoped more coherent this time. 

Luis sighed but relented, “Okay, well, we are going to be here for awhile. So…if you need something, well…we are your fabulous gay knights in shining rainbow armor.”

Alyssa chuckled, feeling warmed by his offer.

Daniel strode up. “Here you go, honey.” He handed the water bottle over to Alyssa, and gave her a hug. “Go get your girl!”

Luis cheered and Alyssa left, feeling any confidence she had gained from the alcohol leave her the farther away from her new found friends.

———-

The first thing she noticed was that the room was bigger than intended, which she was grateful for.

There were also a few secluded areas so while the lights were not bright or anything in the room, there was brighter lighting aimed towards the stage.

Trying to appear unnoticed (she hoped), she took a gulp from the bottled water, suddenly very glad Daniel had bought it for her.

God, if this doesn’t go well, she REALLY will be a crying lesbian mess being tended to by her fabulous gay knights in rainbow armor. 

As Alyssa continued to take in the stage, she now noticed the instruments seemed to already be there, ready and waiting. And then suddenly, through a side door, out walked the love of her life, climbing up the short steps of the stage.

Alyssa scowled as she heard a few girls catcall out to Emma, who seemed to smile a bit bashfully but then moved about the stage fiddling with the speakers. She had just picked up what was presumably her electric guitar and began tuning it, oblivious, until another girl came out. The girl sat down and loudly played a few beats on the drums, causing Emma to be startled. Alyssa saw her glare at the short haired dark skinned girl and she couldn’t tell what she said but the girl just flipped her off with a grin and started warming up again. Emma shook her head but really didn’t seem bothered. 

Some guy whose hair streaked with several different colors came up to her, and Emma looked over and grinned. He gave Emma some greeting Alyssa couldn’t hear, and then playfully ruffled Emma’s hair. She caught something along the lines of Emma needing another dye job. Emma’s hair was the same messy blonde, albeit shorter with some faded streaks of purple.  
  
Alyssa then heard something to the effect of, “Maybe later this week, Dax.” 

It was the first time Alyssa had heard Emma’s voice in seven years, causing her emotions to threaten to spill over. 

Another guy came over to the other side, smacking the first guy whose name was presumably Dax on the ass. Dax seemed delighted, laughing, and tackled the second guy. Emma shook her head at the two guys as they wrestled playfully and Alyssa heard her say something to the effect of starting in ten minutes. The boys finally broke apart, with a sweet kiss, and the band continued to prep, everyone still teasing each other in the process. 

All the band members had multiple piercings, and Alyssa found herself wondering if Emma might have some or maybe even tattoos…and the thoughts produced mixed emotions, one was heat shooting down to the lower part of her body, to her surprise.

Alyssa gulped. She knew Emma would look different; she wasn’t prepared for how much.

Emma wore an obviously well-worn (but still well taken care of) black leather jacket, old jeans cutoffs. And was that a studded belt Alyssa saw on Emma’s shorts through her open jacket?? However, on Emma’s feet was a pair of off old red hi-top chucks, which brought a warmth at the thought of some small familiar part of Emma existed, albeit in a different color. Alyssa couldn’t help but wonder if Emma dressed this way all of the time or just when she played with her band.

And where were her glasses? She must be wearing contacts. When they were together, Emma never even discussed wanting contacts. Alyssa had never said anything, because for her, glasses were just a part of Emma; an extension of her. Alyssa had always found her adorable with her glasses. Did Emma even wear glasses anymore? Alyssa very much hoped so.

Lost in her own musings about Emma, she failed to notice the room had grown rather crowded until somebody bumped into her.

Once she regained her bearings, Alyssa found she was unable to see Emma properly. She fought her way through the crowd and finally secured a good place; close enough to get a good view of the band (okay, Emma ), but not close enough to (hopefully) be noticed by Emma herself.

One of the boys, who was presumably the lead singer he was out front, screamed directly, and loudly, into the mike. “Hi all you sexy bitches!”

The crowd roared and there were whistles, along with various people yelling “Fuck ya!”

“We’re the Queer Cheerios!” The guy, dressed in his leopard print skirt, tank top, and doc martins, screamed. He then threw back a bunch of actual small cereal boxes of cheerios at the audience, to their delight. Alyssa had to duck as one came flying towards her head.

The band started to play and Alyssa recognized it as “Call Me” from Blondie.

Okay, so Alyssa knew very little about guitars (despite being Emma’s gf for three years) and her knowledge of electric guitars was even more limited, but as the band continued their set, she could tell that Emma was good. 

Her hands and fingers seemed strong and sure, and any solos had the girls swooning which just made Alyssa’s blood boil even as she tried to fight it aware she had no right to feel this way. Alyssa was the one who broken up with Emma, after all. 

The band finally finished and the crowd roared their approval. After a moment a DJ started to spin and some people drifted to the interconnecting door to go the front room of the club. In about five minutes or so, the band members went backstage. Alyssa noticed the drummer head up into the DJ booth.

Alyssa had been off hiding in a corner, having an internal debate and bit her lip. _Okay, so, this is it. Sure there’s a bouncer nearby, but we snuck off into the band closet for how long?? Sneaking past this guy should be super easy._

Alyssa downed the last of her bottled water, placing the empty bottle onto a ledge. Daniel was right; she had needed that water. Even with that, and the fact the band played a good thirty minutes or so, Alyssa still didn’t feel 100% sober. At least, she felt more coherent and in control of her actions while she weaved through the thinning crowd. Running as fast as she could, she made it through the curtain while the bouncer was occupied with other people.

Alyssa pumped her fist in victory but that feeling was short-lived as she realized she had no idea where she was headed.

The one good thing was there was only one hallway. Alyssa didn’t think the band would have left yet (or even without their instruments?), so they must be in one of these rooms along this hallway, she reasoned.  
  
Despite the DJ’s music probably drowning out her footsteps, Alyssa walked as quietly as she could along the hallway, stopping before each door to hear any voices. 

She was getting frustrated when she finally came to one of the last doors. Leaning in, Alyssa heard a male voice say, “Girl, you were sooo good tonight!”

“I was, wasn’t I?” 

Oh, god, that was Emma’s voice. She sounded so smug, so confident. It was, well, kinda a turn on.

“Oh, you definitely were, baby.”

The feminine voice stopped Alyssa cold in her tracks. 

Then there were faint murmurs she was unable to decipher.

But, after a minute or so, Alyssa heard the same male voice from earlier snark, loudly, “Well, I’m leaving if you two are just gonna eat each other’s face off.” 

Another male voice laughed. “Oh, come on, Dax, it’s not like Emma hasn’t done this before.”

“Whatever.” Alyssa didn’t have to see it to know the guy rolled his eyes. “Let’s go. I am not watching lesbians do the nasty.”

There were muffled noises and Alyssa knew they were coming out but she had no place to hide.

The door opened and out stepped the two boys in the band. They closed the door before Alyssa could peek inside. When they saw her immediately, they looked nonplussed. 

“If you’re looking for Em, she’s busy,” one guy said dryly. Alyssa was pretty certain it was Dax.

The other guy smiled. “Oh, don’t mind him. He’s just jealous I don’t let him play around.”

They playfully pushed each around a bit before the other guy kissed Dax. 

“Hmmm,” Dax replied once they broke apart and smiled. “Maybe a little.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “Let’s go home, and you can prove how I only need one man.”

The other guy swung his arm around Dax. “Come on, baby.”

As the two walked away, Alyssa heard Dax say, sarcastically, “God, how many lesbians does Emma need?”

The two laughed and Alyssa watched them until they were out of sight. Her attention was brought back to the room when she heard through the door something being knocked around and muffled voices.

Alyssa suck in a breath and knocked.

“Fuck off, Tracy! She’s mine tonight!”

There was laughter and more muffled sounds which Alyssa assumed was kissing.

Okay, that was it.

Alyssa gathered herself and threw open the door, only to find Emma on the couch laying on top of some girl she couldn’t see very clearly, but she for sure saw Emma’s hand moving down under the girl’s skirt.

“Alyssa?!”


	2. In truths that she learned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alyssa had tried to prepare herself for what she would find when she ran into Emma again. After all, her talk with Kaylee had brought out truths that Alyssa learned and she wondered if she was making the right decision in going after Emma.
> 
> Barging through the door to the room behind the stage out of jealousy probably wasn't the best idea because you never know what you will find. 
> 
> Especially if it's finding your ex with her hand up another girl's skirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of things:
> 
> 1) I let a little of my own annoyance shine through. California is a huge state with all different kinds of weather, and is very different where you go. As in, Northern California is VERY different from Southern California in weather, culture, people, etc. As a result, it can get annoying when other people automatically assume we are all the same. I figure Emma has lived here long enough to feel the same.
> 
> 2) The Sunset is an actual district in this city.
> 
> 3) Kaylee has always reminded me to an extent of Cordelia Chase in Buffy the Vampire Slayer (of course, I often have a tendency to compare everything to Buffy, my first fandom love, so...). So, when I write her, that comes through. it gets hard because canon is limited to a two and a half hour musical. 
> 
> 4) side note: Emma really isn't much of a smoker, but the people she hangs out with are. Yes, Emma does hold her alcohol better these days, but she is in no way an alcoholic. 
> 
> 5) SoMa stands for South of Market. It is literally short for being south of the street that runs through downtown (Market St). It's a neighborhood where many clubs and bars are, including the one in this story.
> 
> 6) It will probably be at least a week or two before the next chapter is posted. A first draft is done, but I know I need to go in and change a few things. The last chapter will be an epilogue.
> 
> 7) Thank you for the kudos and the nice comments!
> 
> Alyssa's memory is set off by //// and italics.

“Alyssa?!”

The hand suddenly stopped moving as Emma abruptly pulled it out to the protests of the girl. 

Emma shot off the couch and looked bewildered. “What..what are you doing here?”

“Yeah! What the hell!” The girl was now standing, but had wrapped herself around Emma possessively. 

Emma shrugged her off, much to the girl’s protests, and Alyssa suddenly felt awkward by the whole scenario.

She hadn’t meant to do this, had she? Things had just gotten out of control.

“I...um...well, I was in town...and I heard you were in this band...and well…” 

‘Great. Great improv there, Alyssa,’ she admonished herself.

Alyssa noticed Emma had shed her leather jacket and wearing a cut off t-shirt with a band name Alyssa didn’t recognize. And was that…did Emma have a tattoo after all? It looked small and the room was not well lit, but…  
  
Alyssa shook her head at herself, suddenly realizing her internal monologue had just left her standing there, looking like an idiot.

As Alyssa came back to the present, she realized Emma was just staring at her, while the blonde bimbo kept loudly voicing her protests over Alyssa’s appearance.

“Who the fuck are you? Tell her to get out, Em!”

Suddenly Emma tugged the girl past Alyssa to the door.

“I need to talk...Look, JC, I’ll see later. I just…”

“Is this your actual girlfriend? I knew you were a player but I didn’t know you were a fucking cheater.”

“No! She’s...Look, you don’t understand, I-“

“Fuck off, Em!”

Alyssa heard Emma close the door and the slump as Emma leaned against it. 

She was feeling too uncomfortable to even look at Emma; instead, her eyes roamed the room for a place to sit.

There really wasn’t any place other than the couch which Alyssa definitely did not want to sit on so resigned herself to having to stand.

————

Emma just stared at her ex.

It had been seven years.

SEVEN years since they’d last seen each other.

Or talked to each other in any way, shape, or form.

Now, Alyssa still couldn’t seem to look at her. She looked everywhere but AT Emma, who wondered why the hell Alyssa was even here.

Considering how they left things, Emma felt anger.

And arousal.

God, why did Alyssa have to show up looking so hot? 

“So after seven years you decide to just show up here?! The backstage is private. How did you even get back here anyways?”

Alyssa finally turned to fully look at her, and WOW, just wow. God, that woman was beautiful. 

“I have a great talent for subterfuge. We snuck off to the band closet for two years, if you may recall.”

Emma rolled her eyes, feeling her equilibrium returning a bit. She brushed past Alyssa and spotted a rag where she tried to subtlety wipe her fingers but Alyssa saw it, causing Emma to flush in embarrassment and anger.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your...” Alyssa pointed to Emma’s hand in the towel.

Emma quickly threw the rag aside, and pointedly said, “Yes, you did.” She walked over to a mini fridge, opened it, and took out a beer. “Want one?” She asked over her shoulder.

“No thanks.”

Emma turned around, grabbed the neck, and turned the bottle cap off with her shirt. She took a long drink and feeling better, leaned against a wall.

“Well?”

Instead of answering, Alyssa said, “Since when did you drink beer?” Alyssa sniffed. “Or smoke?”

“You came back to admonish me for drinking beer and smoking,” Emma deadpanned.

“And what’s with having sex with a different bimbo every night on that-that-that thing you call a couch!”

Emma just stared at her.

“It only took seven years to turn you into your mom huh? Gonna call me a sinner and quote bible passages to me next, ‘Lys?”

————

“You asshole.” 

Alyssa turned, hurt, and was at the door, hand on handle, when Emma stopped her.

Emma, who was right behind her.

Emma who pushed Alyssa into the door, effectively flushing their bodies together. 

“I’m sorry,” Emma breathed.

Alyssa could smell the beer on Emma's breath, and in the back of her mind, she knew she should feel contrition over admonishment of Emma's drinking habits when she herself had just indulged in a Long Island Tea. But to be honest, the proximity of Emma’s body and the effect of the whisper right into Alyssa’s ear were doing things to Alyssa’s lower body and she found it difficult to concentrate.

“Don’t leave. Please.” Emma whispered, easing off.

Alyssa nodded, took a moment to compose herself, and turned back around.

————

Emma immediately realized her mistake.

As in, still being in Alyssa’s personal space the moment she turned around.

Oh, god. Oh, shit.

Without being aware of it, Emma’s hand rose, softly caressing Alyssa’s face.

‘’Lys…” she murmured. 

Abruptly, Alyssa pushed past her, and the spell was broken.

Emma’s head fell down against the door and all that came into her mind was, ‘What are you fucking doing, Emma?’

She swung around and slumped back against the door, only to see Alyssa wring her hands, studiously avoiding her gaze.

Emma ran a hand through her hair. “Um...what do you say we get out of here and...talk?” Before Alyssa could answer, Emma added, “The guys will clean everything up here. We can go over to my place. I actually got this really great place out in the Sunset. You know where that is? Uh, I share it with this girl named Jackie who's out of town right now with her girlfriend, and with Greg. He usually stays with his boyfriend so he’s probably not gonna be there tonight and-“

“Emma. Emma!” Alyssa interrupted and Emma breathed a sigh of relief when she noticed a hint of a smile. “That would be nice.”

“Okay.” A relieved grin spread across Emma’s face. “How did you get here? Parking’s from hell in this town.”

“I took an Uber.”

“Smart.”

Alyssa shrugged. “I’m staying with some friends here in the city and don’t have access to a car so it seemed best.”

Emma nodded.

“What about you?” Alyssa asked. “You have access to a car?”

“My van’s parked in that tiny thing the manager here calls a ‘parking lot’ next to the club. Every time we play here, Jack let us pick up our instruments next day so we can take them over to a loft here in SoMa where we practice. I usually keep the van and my instruments at home though.”

“Got rid of the pickup truck, huh?”

Emma shrugged. “Not convenient for carrying instruments in.”

“And a van’s far easier for having sex, I would imagine.” 

————

Alyssa didn’t mean to sound jealous (or snarky) but images of her and Emma making out, having sex, and cuddling in Emma’s pickup truck came to mind, bringing with it the horrible thought of other girls doing the same with Emma.

There was silence and Alyssa knew she hit a nerve.

Emma pulled her phone out her pocket. “Dax, I’m heading to my place early and don’t want to take the van.” There was a pause. “Look, I’ve been drinking and I’m not staying any later so I don’t want to drive. And yes it has to do with a girl, but it’s not what you think.” Another pause. “I’ll call you tomorrow! Just take the goddamn van!”

“Looks like we’re taking an Uber, if that’s ok.”

Emma sounded a bit surly, and Alyssa was beginning to wonder if this was a good idea after all. But she had come all this way soooo...

“That’s fine.”

————

“It’s so foggy out here.”

Alyssa had been staring out the window of the Uber for most of their trip. She still hadn’t seen a tremendous amount of the City, and it was alluring watching everything as the driver drove through the various neighborhoods. 

It also helped calm her a bit, if she was honest. Alyssa wanted to talk to Emma, but the nerves were there. Emma’s abrupt mood change (which, she had to acknowledge was most likely due to Alyssa’s own snark) had not changed that much.

They were now driving on dark, silent streets shrouded in fog, heading towards the beach, close to where Emma’s house was.

“I mean, it’s June for Pete’s sakes,” Alyssa added to her earlier observation. 

“What did you expect? It’s San Francisco.”

Alyssa frowned at Emma’s dismissive tone. 

“Still, it seems worse out here.”

“It’s the Sunset, ‘Lys. Even during the day, there can be fog, or just overcast in general, not to mention cold," Emma remarked, making Alyssa glad she had listened to her friends and brought a coat. "Sure we can have a random couple of warm days but it’s not L.A., you know.”

“I didn’t say it was,” Alyssa huffed. 

Emma didn’t respond. Fortunately the Uber driver was one of those only interested in listening to his music and getting them to their destination.

Alyssa was not in the mood to have a three-way conversation.

“I’m sorry.” Alyssa finally turned her head to see Emma looking at her sheepishly. “I shouldn’t have been so...” Emma shook her head and sighed. “I’m sorry I’m being a jerk.”

Alyssa didn’t say anything. Instead, she just nodded, and turned away, once more staring out her passenger window. 

Her mind drifted, the memory of her last conversation with Kaylee surfacing to her mind.

/////

_“Are you sure you want to do this, Alyssa? I mean, why now?”_

_Alyssa stopped her packing and sat down on her bed._

_“I’m just tired, Kaylee. I know it’s been seven years, but no matter who I’m with, It was always the same. I realize now I was comparing every girl I date to Emma in every conceivable way. For a long time I didn’t get why nothing worked but… Look, I just had a deep connection I’ve never felt with any other woman, ok?” Alyssa ended, feeling a bit defensive at having to justify herself._

_Maybe it had been a mistake to call Kaylee, but she had felt like she needed to talk to SOMEBODY about it. Someone who knew both her and Emma. Maybe she was trying to get assurance she was doing the right thing. She WAS taking a big risk after all. She tried to brush away the thought of how painful the thought of Emma rejecting her would be but she couldn’t stand it anymore._

_She heard a sigh. “We’ve been over this and Alyssa, for once, I’m going to be blunt with you.”_

_Alyssa scoffed, and said, dryly, “Please, Kaylee, you’re always blunt.”_

_“That may well be, but I really haven’t been blunt about this. Or, I should say, as honest as I should have been with you.”_

_Alyssa’s heart began to beat fast, scared to hear the truth behind the words. Tentatively, she asked, “What does that mean?”_

_“It means, you are the one who ended it! And whether you realize it or not, you broke Emma’s heart. I know because I went over the day after you ended it to check on her. Because, unlike you, I knew she couldn’t handle it. And I was right; she was practically catatonic._

_“The first month was the worst. She was actually drinking and we all know how poorly that girl could hold her alcohol. Instead, I was holding her hair back while she threw up in the toilet!_ _At one point, I had to call Shelby to help me, and we had throw her into the shower, she stank so much.”_

_Kaylee paused, and there was a heavy sigh. “In short, she was a big gay rejected mess.”_

_Alyssa squeezed her eyes shut. She never knew. She figured Emma would be fine; maybe after a few weeks or so, but nothing too severe. After all, Emma had always seemed so strong to her._

_Her mind flashed back to high school where Emma was the one who broke up with her because Alyssa was unable to come out to stand by Emma’s side so she could make her case publicly._

_Truly, that had been a horrible, no-win situation for either one of them, but Emma had insisted on Alyssa committing to her deepest fear; admitting to everyone she was gay. At that point in time, Alyssa didn’t have the strength to do such a thing. She had seen what Emma had gone through; the ostracizing, the bullying of peers and adults, not to mention the reaction of her parents._

_Alyssa had always admired Emma’s strength in dealing with all of this, while even being an honors student! And while Emma had been deeply hurt over the Prom situation, it had somehow only made her stronger. Emma had a resolve that Alyssa simply couldn’t match._

_So, it was Alyssa who had been a mess. It was Alyssa who had felt hurt and betrayed._

_“It wasn’t until Emma left this city that she started to heal,” Kaylee continued, “She was finally able to get her shit together. Granted I haven’t spoken to her in the past year, but from what I’ve heard through the grapevine…well, through Trent mostly…Emma’s generally happy. Are you so selfish you’re going to cause her pain again?”_

_Tears started to fall and Alyssa choked out a sob._

_She heard Kaylee sigh. “I know you weren’t aware of all of this, which is why I wanted to tell you before you go. So, I just want you to REALLY think about this, ‘Lys.”_

_“You’re right,” Alyssa choked out. “I-I had no idea.”_

_“Well, now you do, and whether you think it or not, that’s a good thing. I_ _know you’re not a selfish person, Alyssa, but people, when they are dealing with significant others whether they are current or an ex, don’t always realize what they’re doing. Relationships are really tough things so try not to be so hard on yourself. You guys were only twenty, you know.”_

_Alyssa let out a half sob, half laugh. “God, when did you become the smart one.”_

_“Over the last few years, I may have learned a thing or two,” Kaylee replied loftily._

_“Shelby?”_

_Kelby sucked in a breath. “Yeah, Shelby.”_

_Alyssa sniffled. “You’re right; I...it was something I didn’t want to hear, but needed to. Thanks.”_

_“You’re welcome,” Kaylee replied, softly. After a moment, Kaylee spoke again. “Look, this may mean something…I mean, I STILL think you should really think about what you’re doing but…” She heard Kaylee draw a deep sigh._ _“The last time I spoke with Emma, we Zoomed each other. And she was still wearing the same necklace she always wore when you guys were together. I only know because it accidentally slipped out of her shirt. I called her on it and she just got mad at me.”_

_Alyssa stopped breathing. She knew exactly what necklace Kaylee was referring to._

_It had been their first Pride together in New York City. The first Pride where they could be truly themselves. They could kiss publicly and no one cared. It was exhilarating to celebrate their sexuality after having to hide it for so long._

_Alyssa had seen a necklace at one of the booths that caught her fancy._

_It was a rainbow on a pewter pendant attached to a drawstring, which was made of wax. The cord was adjustable so it was easy to wear._

_Emma had immediately bought for Alyssa, who had worn it for awhile off and on after Pride. Unfortunately she soon discovered it had bothered her skin too much, causing her to feel constantly itchy._

_It hadn’t been too long before she caught Emma wearing it more than once._ _When Alyssa had inquired why, Emma had just replied it reminded her of them and the first time they could be free and show the world their love._

_Alyssa had grinned, telling her she was being a cheeseball, but Emma had just grinned back, saying something to the effect of, “Too bad, Greene, I stand by my words and always will."_

_If Emma still wore the necklace could that mean-_

_“Alyssa! Alyssa!”_

_She shook her head. Apparently Alyssa had drifted into her memories too long._

_“Sorry, sorry, Kaylee. I was just, well, thinking.”_

_“About how you two were always a bunch of nerds and disgustingly cheesy?”_

_“Fine. We were cheesy. What of it?” Alyssa was annoyed. God, she hated when Kaylee was right._

_“It was obvious the necklace meant more than just some cheap necklace you guys got at your first Pride…a necklace probably mass produced I might add-“_

_“Kaylee!” Alyssa was getting seriously pissed right now. “Just get to your damn point.”_

_“Okay, okay, geesh. As I was saying, it was obvious the necklace meant more than you guys let on, especially to Emma.” Kaylee sighed. “The fact she was wearing just a year ago, says a lot, Lys. I mean c’mon, no one does that unless they can’t get over their exes.”_

_Alyssa bit her lip. Maybe she had a chance after all?_

_“Do-do you think she’s still wearing it?” Alyssa asked quietly._

_“Truthfully? I don’t know. But, like I said, that is a hell of a long ass time to wear something of their exes. Plus, the fact she yelled at me when I called her out on it, and hasn’t talked to me since…well, let’s just say, I think you may still have a chance._

_“I do think she’s better now on a lot of levels but if you want my honest opinion, I don’t think she will ever get over you._ _Just, please, like I said, be sure. I could be wrong and maybe she finally found the courage to completely let you go and she’s happy,” Alyssa gulped. “but who knows. Maybe there are still feelings there whether she has the necklace or not.” Kaylee paused. “I don’t want have to deal with a big gay rejected mess long distance after all.”_

_Alyssa sucked in a breath. “I haven’t even bought a plane ticket yet, but I can take more time.”_

_“Good.” Alyssa heard the smile in Kaylee’s voice. “Call me if you need to talk more. There’s a dress waiting for me at Macy’s with my name on it.”_

_Alyssa laughed. “Well, I certainly don’t want to keep you from that.”_

_“You shouldn’t. Besides it LITERALLY has my name on it because I put it on layaway. I got a call today saying I need to come in asap to pay the balance to pick it up.”_

_“Ok, I’ll sign off then. Good luck with the dress, and thanks again, Kaylee.”_

_“No problem. Bye!”_

_“Bye!”_

_Alyssa threw the phone off to the side and then stared at her half packed suitcase, her mind grappling with everything Kaylee had told her, not to mention the memories connected with it all._

_“I stand by my words, Greene, and I always will.”_

_Not for the first time, she wondered at her decision to leave Emma. To be honest, she did believe it was more healthy for them to see others as they had only been with each other. Alyssa had grown restless. But there was this part of her which had felt deep down she would return to Emma some day, and Emma would be there, ready, to welcome her with open arms._

_That thought made her disgusted with herself. Emma could be perfectly happy right now. She could have gotten engaged or even married for heaven’s sakes! (Although that was doubtful, considering Trent was terrible at keeping secrets.) Still…_

_It didn’t mean Emma wasn’t in a serious, happy, fulfilled relationship however. How could Alyssa be so selfish as to think or even wish for Emma to be waiting for her with open arms? Ready to forgive and forget?_

_This was seriously ridiculous, she berated herself. It has been seven years!_

_Alyssa looked up from her suitcase, her eyes scanning her apartment._

_Her very nice apartment._

_Her very nice lonely apartment._

_The apartment she now came home to every night alone._

_Everything was about work anymore._

_And after last month…_

_Well, last month, she had gone on a blind date._

_A good work friend had set her up because she was tired of Alyssa complaining about saying there were no good single women out there, or Alyssa simply making work as an excuse to rarely try when given the opportunity._

_When the woman had arrived, Alyssa nearly had had a heart attack._

_She had looked so much like Emma and had similar interests. Alyssa had barely made it through dinner before calling it off early._

_The next day, when her friend had asked how the date went, Alyssa had gone off, angrily asking why did she set Alyssa up with someone who was exactly like her ex?_

_The woman had been confused. She had never met Emma. She had never even seen a picture of Emma. Alyssa didn’t talk about Emma much either._

_The woman had just replied with “I thought you would like her because this is how you describe your perfect woman.”_

_Alyssa had been dumbfounded._

_Why? Why was she doing this to herself? She knew she was not happy._

_It was only after this disastrous date that Alyssa allowed herself to consciously acknowledge what her subconscious had been trying to tell her all along: no one would ever measure up to Emma and no one ever would._

_The memories had come rushing back; back to those moments only brought about by finally leaving the suffocation of Edgewater and Alyssa’s mother for a life together in New York City._

_Moments that made Alyssa laugh and her heart fill with love._

_Of Emma being a dork, and deciding to serenade her at a coffeehouse after a fight to apologize by singing “If I could turn back time” by Cher._

_Emma being a good sport about trying to ice skate in Rockefeller Square while Alyssa tried to teach her. There had been some pouting of course, but then Emma’s smile came out, even if she declared they needed to make their way directly home since the seat of her pants was too wet and she had to change. It had turned into a day of making love in the apartment which Alyssa would always remember fondly._

_Moments that were rife with strife but Emma was always there._

_Emma going out to a store at two a.m. to get Alyssa cold medicine because they had run out and her nose was so stuffed up, she couldn’t breathe._

_Emma holding her while she cried over how once again, her mother said something homophobic or putting undue pressure upon Alyssa._

_So, Alyssa had just…stopped. Stopped trying to find a woman to fill that hole in her heart that really only one woman COULD._

_If what Kaylee said was true, maybe Emma felt the same. If she could somehow talk to Emma…_

_Alyssa just needed to see if there was a chance and she felt she had to do it in person._

_It probably was wrong to ambush Emma like this, but there was a part of her who thought Emma would simply hang up on her._

_Maybe Emma would listen to her in person._

_Alyssa shook her head at herself. She could sit here and play what ifs and maybes all day long. Alyssa decided to give it a chance. If she was wrong, she would say a final goodbye to Emma and never bother her again._

_Alyssa went out into her kitchen, and sat down at the kitchen table._

_Opening her MacBook, she brought up listings for the cheapest flights to San Francisco._

_And then Alyssa did something she rarely did these days._

_She prayed she still had a chance with the love her life._

/////

“It’s the house in the middle of the street and off to the right.”

Emma’s words brought Alyssa back to the present. Her heart started to pound at the realization they were almost at Emma’s house. 

And then it hit her she hadn’t seen the necklace on Emma. 

She swallowed. Maybe this really was a mistake.

When the car stopped, however, before they exited the car, Emma turned to her and smiled that same sweet, shy smile that had first stopped Alyssa’s heart so many years ago at James Madison High School.

As they climbed out of the Uber, Alyssa sighed with some relief.

There seemed like there was a chance after all.


End file.
